Why I Stopped Letting Brands Define My Worth (And How You Can Too)

On a trip back home, I once gifted my mom a Coach handbag. She appreciated the gesture but didn’t get why it mattered so much. She didn’t grow up with brands. So, I went on to explain it to her.

“This is an expensive brand. Everyone knows a Coach bag.” I said.

“Oh, so if I carry this, everyone would know what it’s worth?” She asked.

“Yes,” I said.

Looking back, that conversation sounds absurd. I was trying to convince my mom that carrying a branded bag would raise her value in the eyes of others.

When I was younger, my family used to joke, saying: ‘Just add a branded label to it, and she will love it.’

If I saw advertisements for a brand on TV, it meant they were good. I wasn’t aiming for top-notch but rather for brands that I knew my family could afford.

It’s only now that I’ve started to see things differently. I choose brands based on how useful they are to me rather than how others perceive them. I want people to value me for who I am, not for what I can afford.

When Brands Signal Belonging

Coffee Vs. Tea

Society sends subtle signals about what’s considered desirable.

“How do you start your day if you don’t drink Coffee?” I often get asked.

I don’t usually like coffee; it upsets my stomach. I drink herbal tea in the mornings because it instantly relaxes me.

But one early morning at my son’s swim meet, I was hungry and wanted something quick before his other events began. I walked to the nearest Starbucks and bought a Latte and a croissant.

On my way back, a woman walking past gave me what felt like a subtle nod of approval.

Wow, is this what it takes to feel like you belong, a cup of Starbucks coffee in your hands? I thought.

It made me think about other ways we crave belonging through the brands we choose.

iPhone Vs. Android

A while ago, I switched over from iPhone to Android, and I liked the functionality better. It didn’t matter that everyone around me was using iPhones. I did, however, switch from a PC to a Mac after being introduced to it at work. It suited my needs. I now use a rose gold laptop for my job, and I love it.

When it was time to give my teen a phone, I gave him one of my older Pixel phones. It worked for what he needed. We could contact him when he goes out with his friends. All his friends had iPhones, though, so he would miss out on essential conversations because they would use iMessage.

He didn’t care that he was different, but after a while, I caved in and bought him an iPhone. Not because it did something better but so that he could be part of the community.

Athleta Vs. Lululemon

I used to wear Lululemon for my workout clothes; they felt soft and comfortable. But they never carried pants that fit me well. Then I discovered Athleta. They were equally good and had every single product in a petite size.

It didn’t matter which was more trendy; it just had to work for me.

Brands as Identity Enhancers

Eckhart Tolle, in A New Earth, writes: “When you can no longer feel the life that you are, you are likely to fill up your life with things.”

He suggests that we examine our relationship with things with these questions:

1. Does owning certain things make me feel superior?
2. Do I feel inferior for lacking certain things?
3. Do you show off things you own to increase your self-worth?

I answered yes to all of these questions at some point. However, my life experiences forced me to see my relationship with things objectively.

When I left my cushy corporate job early in my career to become a Montessori teacher, my spending patterns changed. I was still buying things, but less frequently. I didn’t indulge in brands I once cherished.

Although I felt bad about having to be cautious, I wasn’t devastated. I understood that how I spent was tied to what I earned.

When I returned to my corporate job, I would often indulge in some of the old comforts. My experience taught me that the satisfaction I get from things is not permanent. They didn’t make me more or less happy.

Although I appreciate the beauty of fine things, I know they don’t alter my self-worth.

If I buy a handbag, it’s because I love how it feels and because it meets my needs. Not because I look better in others’ eyes.

That doesn’t mean I’m against luxury. I enjoy business class travel and staying in beautiful hotels. But, how I spend is based on what I value, not external perceptions.

Redefining Worth on Your Own Terms

As Eckhart Tolle writes, “Designer labels are primarily collective identities that you buy into.” The ego tricks us into believing that what we wear, carry, or drink makes us more valuable. But I have learned that trying to find yourself through things is always temporary.

These days, I choose things based on how they feel, how they’re made, and how they serve my life — not how they make me look to others.

What about you? What do the brands you wear or carry mean to you?

What if we choose things purely out of appreciation for how they are made and not for how we are perceived because of them?