Calming the Storm: The Dalai Lama’s Wisdom on Taming Everyday Anger

Have you ever been angry for an extended period? Did your reason feel like it was not such a big deal sometime later? What if we can rethink our approach to anger and catch it before it turns into a huge thing? In this post, I explore the Dalai Lama’s wisdom on dealing with strong emotions like anger so we can live calmer lives. 

Whenever I get angry at someone, no matter how justified it seems, I am never too proud of my actions due to my anger. I am not talking about intense anger, where you would benefit from medical help, but day-to-day anger, where you lose your cool with the people closest to you. Seeing the Dalai Lama’s wisdom in the book The Art of Happiness helped me rethink my approach to anger. 

Using Antidotes to Deal With Anger

According to the Dalai Lama, one cannot overcome anger by suppressing it. We need to work on developing its anecdotes – patience and tolerance. 

He says being patient in a challenging situation is not a sign of weakness but strength. To respond to a difficult situation with patience and not anger requires a lot of restraint and a self-disciplined mind. It is knowing you can be confrontational but choosing not to. 

What Happens to Us When We Are Angry

The Dalai Lama says that when we get outraged, we lose our ability to tell right from wrong. We lose our power of judgment. It is almost like you have become insane, he says. This state of mind confuses us further and worsens our problems. 

In addition to losing reason, getting angry also negatively affects our bodies. We can lose our appetite, sleep poorly, and become more tense. The book discusses Dr. Aaron Siegman, a psychologist and anger researcher’s belief that repetitive episodes of anger trigger internal arousal systems and biochemical responses resulting in damage to our arteries. 

The root cause of anger, he says, is dissatisfaction and discontentment. By working towards inner contentment and practicing kindness and compassion, we can avoid getting angry in the first place.  

Ways to Deal With Anger

Per the Dalai Lama, when we find ourselves angry, we should try three things:

1. We should confront our anger directly and investigate what is causing it. 
2. We should then analyze further to see whether anger is the correct response, whether it is constructive or destructive for us. 
3. We should shift perspective and look at the situation from different angles. 

When we become angry, the Dalai Lama wants us to combat our feelings of anger with patience and tolerance. When we analyze the situation, we realize that feeling angry doesn’t change the situation. But it will destroy our peace of mind and make us more unhappy. 

By practicing patience, he says, we will eventually learn to forgive. It will not make us forget the incident, but we can learn to let go of the negative feelings associated with it. 

Journey Not a Destination

The Dalai Lama’s wisdom on anger is a gradual process. In my journey, the next time I got angry at the situation, I became aware that getting angry would only make things worse for me. This awareness, followed by meditation, made it easy to let go of the situation and return to normal. This approach might not always work, but beginning on the path helps. 

As you practice this approach, starting small with more minor incidents in your life rather than those that cause you intense pain is essential. 

Let’s remember to forgive ourselves as we head towards living calmer lives and be aware that significant changes such as these take a long time. Practicing self-restraint and not getting angry when things go wrong is a gift we can give to ourselves and our loved ones. 

Resources:

Check out ‘The Art of Happiness’ By the Dalai Lama and Dr. Howard Cutler for meditations and additional resources on dealing with anger.