How To Take Ownership Of Your Happiness In Your Life

So many times, we leave our happiness in someone’s else hands. Let it be a boss, spouse, or friend. 

We wait for the boss to leave the job, for a partner to change, a friend to apologize so we can be happy again. 

While this kind of shelving provides temporary relief, it begins to eat away at us bit by bit. We get tired of waiting for other things and people to make space before we can be happy. 

We forget that being happy mainly depends on us and how we see the world. It depends on how much we are willing to own a situation and take action in a way that favors us. 

In this blog post, I discuss how we can make our lives happier by being proactive. Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People inspired this post. 

What It Means To Be Proactive

In the book 7 Habits, author Stephen Covey talks about what it means to be proactive. It is beyond taking the initiative, and it is to be responsible for our own lives. 

He shares an interesting definition of the word, responsibility. 

Response-ability = The ability to choose your own response. 

Proactive people, he states, can recognize that responsibility. Their behavior is a result of their own conscious choices and their values. So, they aren’t blaming any external circumstances for their behavior. 

This is challenging for most of us who get impacted by other people’s actions and behavior. We let our emotions be influenced by an unfriendly store clerk or lack of attention from our manager. 

From my experience, it takes conscious practice to train your mind, so you are not affected by these external circumstances. 

So, what can we do to take more ownership of our lives? The 7 Habits book suggests a few things we need to pay attention to take control of our lives, actions, and happiness.

1. Using Language As An Indicator

We can use our language as an indicator to pay attention to how proactive we are in our lives. Using reactive language like, ‘That’s just the way I am’, ‘I can’t do that’, reinforces negative beliefs in us. We feel victimized and not in charge of our destiny.

By being self-aware and proactive, ‘There is nothing I can do’ can be changed to ‘Let’s look at alternatives.’ ‘He makes me so mad’ can become ‘I can control my own feelings.’

2. Monitoring Our Time/Energy Spent

We can figure out how proactive we are in our lives by looking at how we spend our time and energy. The author suggests creating a circle of concern by adding everything we are worried about into the circle. 

Within your circle of concern, there may be some concerns that you can do something about. You can move them all to an inner circle. We will call this circle of influence. 

We can determine our degree of proactivity by determining which circle we spend most of our time and energy on.

3. Dealing With Issues In A Proactive Way

Being proactive about dealing with our issues is to focus on things we can control. It means to focus our energy within our circle of influence. Proactive people radiate positive energy and increase their circle of influence.

The opposite results in us spending time focusing on the weaknesses of other people and problems we have no control over (Circle of concern). This negative energy generated by such focus causes our circle of influence to shrink.  

Stephen Covey shares that as long as we work in our circle of concern, we empower the things within it to control us. We aren’t taking the proactive initiative needed to effect positive change.

4. Changing Perspective On Our Issues

Stephen shares that anytime we think the problem is out there, that thought is the problem. We empower what’s out there to control us. We believe that the outside circumstances should change before we can change. 

To take more ownership of our lives and happiness is to change from the inside out. It is to be different and to effect positive change in what’s out there. It’s to think: I can be more resourceful, I can be more diligent, I can be more cooperative, etc. 

5. Dealing With Our Mistakes

We as humans are ever-evolving, and mistakes are an inevitable part of our lives. It’s how you deal with them that makes all the difference. 

Stephen shares that our response to any mistake affects the quality of the next moment. Therefore, it is important to immediately admit and correct our mistakes so that they have no power over that next moment and we are empowered again. 

The proactive approach to a mistake is to acknowledge it instantly, correct and learn from it. This literally turns a failure into success. 

~ Stephen Covey

Looking at what we can influence in every situation and being proactive helps us take ownership of our lives. 

We are no longer at the mercy of someone else to be happy. Instead, we are in control of our lives, our moods, and our happiness. 

We can own the situation by identifying what is within our control and working on things from the inside out. We can take action best suited to us based on our principles. Sometimes, this might mean being more understanding or realizing that you must move on from a toxic relationship or a job. 

As we make and keep commitments, even small commitments, we begin to establish an inner integrity that gives us the awareness of self-control and the courage and strength to accept more of the responsibility of our own lives. By making and keeping promises to ourselves and others, little by little, our honor becomes stronger than our moods. 

~ Stephen Covey