Life Ready Vs. College Ready: How To Raise Happy Children of Tomorrow

‘Our kids haven’t faced significant adversity. Their stories lack the uniqueness that makes them noticeable to top schools,’ said a fellow parent at a social gathering. Our discussion delved into kids’ fierce competition, diminishing opportunities, and struggling to stand out among their peers.

The more I was part of such discussions as a middle school parent, the more I wondered when the emphasis shifted from helping the kids find and nurture their passions to turning them into perfect candidates for college.

As I venture into this journey with my child, I fight my urges to succumb to peer pressure and stay rooted in my beliefs of helping him prepare for life, not just college. 

As parents, we ultimately share the same aspiration for our children to find success and happiness. A prestigious college acceptance alone will not ensure a happy and fulfilling life.  

In this post, I share with you some of what every child must embrace before they leave their childhood home and begin the unpredictable life journey as young adults.

Montessori Roots in Silicon Valley

Having previously worked as a Montessori teacher and as parents to a child who had a Montessori education until fourth grade, my family and I share a unique set of beliefs.

We value learning at the child’s own pace. We want to encourage our child to master the concept for the sheer love of it. When our child was younger, his passion was cars; then dinosaurs and something else came. 

We loved being a part of his curiosity and learning experience. Then, when a job opportunity arose, we chose to move to San Francisco. 

While I loved the care and attention from his public school teachers, I couldn’t help but notice the intense pressure that came with being in Silicon Valley.

The best companies in the world surrounded us, and Stanford was only a few minutes away. As a result, the pressure to achieve and perform at the highest level was all around us.

Before we knew it, his day-to-day became all about homework and grades, and his classroom became the most essential part of his life. 

Life Lessons beyond the Walls of the Classroom

Growing up in India, I was no stranger to such pressure to succeed. But seeing him experience the same kind of pressure after his Montessori upbringing felt disheartening. 

Subconsciously, he is soaking the messages from his environment. ‘I have to miss swim practice today,’ said my son one day. He needed to stay home and prepare for his math exam. Math is more important than swimming, he said. 

In the long run, swimming is more important, I told him. As a budding competitive swimmer, I loved all the skills swimming taught him. 

He learned the discipline of showing up for practices, setting goals and working towards them, seeing progress through consistent effort, and dealing with performance jitters on race day. 

He was learning to deal with setbacks when he didn’t get the needed results. He didn’t realize that swimming taught him more things about life than any classroom. 

Yet, there he was, choosing to skip his practice to study for his Geometry test as a middle schooler. While I understood the will to perform well, I wondered when I gave this message that his advanced class was more important than swimming. 

Although I value what a great college can do for my child, my heart was more set on preparing him for life than any college. 

I want to focus on him learning the skills needed for success in life rather than the advanced classes or clubs required to get into a good school. I want to assist him in developing the qualities necessary to make his life smoother.

Six Essential Skills That Help Navigate Life

1. Stay True to Yourself

Whether choosing an elective or something else, I want to encourage my child to choose something because he cares for it and not because it might look good for someone else. 

I tell him to pay attention to things that are bringing him joy. Are there things that he enjoys more than others? What sparks his interest? 

I will continue to ask these questions until he can start asking them himself. He doesn’t need to be in advanced classes to prove that he can handle a challenging load.

He can be in it because of his love for that topic. He can be in it because of his desire to immerse himself in the course. 

Nurturing the seed for kids to be true to themselves by following their interests is far more important than anything else.

2. Find Their Values

Leaving the parent’s house without values is like heading into the wild without any compass. It is inevitable to get lost after a while. 

Before our child leaves home, I want to help him find his values. What is important to him? Is it being loyal, kind, authentic, or something else? 

Our values can help influence our choices in life. Knowing their beliefs and values is critical as kids prepare for high school, college, and beyond. 

Whether in work, relationships, or at school, their values act as their moral compasses to ensure they live life according to their own beliefs and no one else’s. 

3. Training the Mind to Navigate Life Effectively

Life throws many challenges at us at various points in our lives. Training our minds through meditation helps us deal with life’s ups and downs.

Meditation can help kids gain more self-awareness, change their perspective in life, and become more loving and kind. 

It will help develop tools they can rely on when life gets tough. It will teach how to manage thoughts and emotions.

Whether dealing with a heartbreak break or a difficult job, these young adults will learn how to manage the stress through regular meditation. 

That way, when things get difficult in life, they don’t need to rely on external things like drugs, alcohol, or excessive eating to numb the pain. They will have the skills to deal with problems head-on. 

4. Think beyond Personal Achievement

Parents invest so much of their time in helping their children succeed. We drive them to classes to help them gain new skills and make them more proficient in the activity of their choice. 

To prepare our children for life, I want them to think beyond personal achievement. It is great to push limits in our lives and see what we can do. 

When they do get the results, what do they hope for then? Is it the end of their quest for success or the beginning of another cycle?

Our achievements in life don’t guarantee long-term happiness. Genuine happiness comes from doing something for others.

So whatever it is they are learning or mastering, can they use it to serve others? Can the craft they have spent numerous hours mastering be used to make a difference in others’ lives? 

If we have to be selfish, it’s okay to be selfish, doing good deeds knowing that it will bring us happiness, says the Dalai Lama. He calls it being wise rather than foolish and selfish, where you only care for your needs.

5. Relying on the Power of Community

According to the Fortune article, nearly three in five adults experience loneliness. As our children leave homes in the real world, they may experience loneliness and isolation. 

It is vital to learn and understand the importance of community. As children move out of their childhood homes, they need to know that it is essential to belong to a community. 

We take the communities surrounding us, our families, and our friend circle from school for granted. As we move on from areas that offer such built-in communities, there is a stronger need to be intentional about being part of communities. 

It’s crucial to realize that a community is something we can build anywhere we go. Our children can be part of a neighborhood community through work or shared interests such as meditation or sports.

Finding strength and support through community can be a source of joy in their life. It can give them the fuel to navigate all other areas of their life and feel more connected.

6. Finding True Partnership

While parents may not be experts in this area, discussing the qualities they should seek in a partner is crucial.

Finding someone with shared values who can complement them and offer true partnership is essential in a partner. 

What makes someone perfect for one person might make them incompatible with another. The better they know themselves and what they seek, the more successful they will be in finding the right one. 

It is through relationships they can learn about communication, conflict resolution, and so many other things about themselves. 

Having this conversation sooner than later will let them know what warning signals to look for and the must-haves in an ideal partner. 

Nurturing Life Skills for a Fulfilling Future

Though we can’t prepare our children for everything that comes their way, as parents, our role extends beyond their academic achievements. We can do our best to equip them with tools they can rely on when life gets tough.

That means getting them ready not just for college but also for life. It means helping them realize that education lies not just within the walls of a classroom but in all aspects of life. 

As they get ready to leave their childhood home, they can begin their journey of self-discovery, forming meaningful connections and authentically contributing to the world. 

With values as their moral compass, they can learn to become adults who value not just personal achievements but making a difference in others’ lives.