How to Stop Ruminating on Our Issues and Find More Peace

Do you find yourself replaying the same issues repeatedly in your mind? I know I do. When I experience a difficult situation, I play it over and over in my head.

While the issues in our lives have a way of working themselves out over time, they can make us feel miserable in the moment. What if there is a better way to deal with our issues that doesn’t cause as much suffering?

Join me as I explore the wisdom of the Dalai Lama and renowned psychiatrist Dr. Howard Cutler on how changing our outlook toward our problems can bring more joy and less suffering.

Adding to our own suffering

I often find myself hung up on issues that occurred long ago. I am either thinking of them or sharing the same stories with close ones. Each time this happens, I get worked up all over again. I only paid attention to breaking this pattern after reading about it in the book The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama.

Dr. Cutler, the co-author and an expert on the science of happiness, shares that replaying our hurts adds to our suffering, making it more intense.

In the book, he discusses this issue with the Dalai Lama, who explains that if we don’t pay attention to anger or hatred towards a particular person, there is less chance of it worsening.

But, he says that if we keep thinking about how they have been unfair, we are constantly fueling our anger.

To help us better deal with our problems, the Dalai Lama shares a few essential methods we can implement in our daily lives.

Ways to reduce our suffering during difficult situations

1. Attitude to suffering

The Dalai Lama shares that our attitude towards problems determines how they impact us. He believes that although we can reduce how much we suffer because of our problems, it all starts with accepting that suffering is part of being human.

If we think that suffering is negative and is something to avoid at all costs, then when problems occur, we can become intolerant towards them and become overwhelmed. But, if we understand that suffering is a part of life, we become more tolerant of our problems.

2. Responding to situations

According to the Dalai Lama, how much we suffer in each situation depends on how we react. For instance, when we find out that someone is speaking behind our backs, the negativity can destroy our peace if we respond to it. But, if we let it go as a passing wind, we can protect ourselves from getting hurt.

Although we can’t avoid difficult situations, he says, we can reduce our suffering by choosing how we react to it.

3. Objectively analyzing the situation

When we face a difficult situation, the Dalai Lama asks us to look at it objectively without bias. He says that other factors may be at play if someone is unpleasant. They may have difficulty at home, so it isn’t a personal attack.

Being objective doesn’t mean we no longer have to face the situation, but it helps in making us less anxious about the whole thing.

4. Examining our own contributions

When we face a problem, The Dalai Lama also asks us to think about our contribution to the situation, whether our behaviors or nature have contributed to it.

Applying this technique, Dr. Cutler says, will allow us to think about all sides without being stuck in the mindset that someone is being unfair to us.

5. Accepting change

We suffer less when we accept that everything is constantly changing. Our experiences never remain the same for an extended period. So, accepting change can help us reduce our self-created suffering.

Dalai Lama shares how we cause our suffering by refusing to let go of the past. He adds that the more we hold on, the more distorted life becomes.

6. Shifting our perspective

According to the Dalai Lama, shifting perspective on difficult events can bring us calmness. When we only focus on one issue, it appears big and uncontrollable.

But, realizing that others face similar problems can widen our perspective. Our issues, compared to other more significant matters, seem small and less overwhelming.

7. New perspective on the enemy

The Dalai Lama says that our friends don’t test us and give us chances to practice patience. Our enemies do. So, instead of hating them, we can see them as great teachers.

Per him, If we learn to be patient and tolerant towards our enemies, we will automatically apply this to everyone else.

The impact of the Dalai Lama’s teachings on my daily life

Dalai Lama’s wisdom has impacted how I view challenging situations in life. In adopting this mindset, I realized that these changes are gradual and take a long time.

Learning about these techniques didn’t overnight make me stop ruminating on my problems. But the next time I think about something that happened a while ago, I notice I am playing the same story again. Having this awareness makes me more relaxed.

I then try to divert my mind to something else. I remind myself that it is tiny compared to other things happening worldwide. Some days, this wisdom isn’t enough, and I might still need to vent my issue in my journal or to a friend. Instead of being bothered by it, I find comfort knowing that change is a gradual process.

The wisdom on suffering taught me not to jump to conclusions about people when something goes wrong. When someone says something hurtful, it helps when I give them the benefit of the doubt and think they may not be having the best day.

Looking at situations from multiple perspectives has helped me see people positively and ultimately reduce my own suffering.

Embracing wisdom: Finding peace beyond suffering

Difficult situations are a part of life. We can’t avoid them, but we can reduce how much pain they cause us by changing our outlook.

Let’s embrace the Dalai Lama’s wisdom and accept that suffering is a normal part of life. As we face tricky situations, instead of dealing with them with frustration, let’s remember to accept that they are a normal part of life. Let’s look for solutions objectively and not make them worse by continuing to replay them in our minds.

As we begin our journeys, let us remember not to be discouraged by setbacks along the way and trust that every change, however small, counts towards living a peaceful and happier life.