How to Create Meaningful Relationships by Changing Our Attitude

‘Too opinionated, too authoritative’ are just some things that cross my mind when chatting with someone new. Not my type, I say to myself.

First impressions play a big part in how we connect with others. However, I find myself mentally assessing people during conversations and creating a checklist of why we may not be compatible.

Recently, I came across some wisdom from Dalai Lama that has me rethinking my approach to making new connections and has led the way to more genuine interactions.

In this post, I discuss how adopting a particular attitude can help us be more open to people and help us create more meaningful relationships in our lives.

Rethinking the Approach to Forming Connections

Growing up in India, I came across a lot of seasonal people. My dad was influential, so most people I met with were there because they needed something and not because of a genuine interest in forming a friendship. 

To avoid getting too attached, I subconsciously created a system that didn’t let anyone in too easily. I didn’t trust anyone that easily. This approach has, over time, impacted how I approach people.

Instead of genuinely getting to know the other person, I analyzed their qualities to determine if I could become close friends with them.  

If someone isn’t opening up, I would write them off, thinking they aren’t very friendly. Over time, as I gained more self-awareness, I began to wonder how I was coming across to other people.

In my quest for deep and meaningful connections, I may come across as guarded, closed off, and not open-hearted. It was the opposite of what I was seeking or admired in people. 

By adopting a skeptical attitude, I was not allowing people to feel safe so they could open up and be themselves. So, if the person on the other end is just like me, it would have been hard to lower our guard and truly connect.

After reflecting on my past connections, I realized I gravitate toward people who are universally nice to everyone. 

Those qualities made it easy for me to initiate a conversation or feel comfortable around them. These were open-hearted people ready to receive others without any judgment. 

They were joyous, warm, and grounded. I was attracted to the qualities they exhibited. I wondered how I could create the same feelings in others that I was seeking for myself. 

So, when I came across the wisdom from Dalai Lama on how we can adopt such qualities and connect with others, it resonated strongly with me. 

Approaching Others with Compassion

In the book Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama says he rarely feels isolated or lonely because of his attitude towards people. 

He says he always looks for the positive aspects in every human being. He is less concerned about how he is perceived and not worried if he comes across as strange. 

According to him, this attitude creates an openness within people. If we approach people with a compassionate attitude, we create an opportunity for people to be more open and cultivate a friendly and positive atmosphere. 

Most people, he says, expect the other person to respond positively first rather than take the initiative to create that possibility themselves. 

This approach, he says, creates barriers and promotes isolation among people. 

According to the Dalai Lama, by adopting this attitude of compassion, we can take the initiative to create an environment where we receive a positive response from the other person. 

If they do not respond favorably, we can change our manner as needed. 

Three Ways to Develop Compassion

The Dalai Lama discusses three crucial ways we can develop compassion to have effective relationships: 

1. Reflect on Kindness

He asks us to reflect on how it feels when someone is kind to us. I could feel this emotion at a recent dentist visit. 

The receptionist at the dentist’s office has left a lasting impression on our family. Every time we visit her, she has greeted us warmly, in a friendly and affectionate tone. 

It’s the feeling you get when you visit a caring aunt’s home. On a recent visit, while waiting for my turn, she asked me about my day and my family, all with a genuine interest in getting to know more about me. 

Her attitude extended to the dentist and the rest of the staff. Together, they created an atmosphere that made me feel welcome and wanted, not just another patient they were trying to get through in their day. 

2. Empathy Is a Key Factor

The Dalai Lama says that empathy is a key factor in building compassion. We should all have the ability to appreciate another person’s suffering. 

To develop this feeling, he asks us to visualize a situation where someone we love is suffering and imagine how we would react to that. 

We may not be able to empathize with people we do not know, but we can do this if we visualize this with people we love. One can try to increase compassion by empathizing with others’ feelings or experiences.

3. Approach with a Genuine Interest

The Dalai Lama wants us to approach others with a genuine interest to have meaningful connections. He says it helps to understand and appreciate the background of people we are dealing with.

It helps to be more open-minded and honest when establishing a relationship with someone.

Embracing Wisdom & Transforming Your Relationships

Dalai Lama’s wisdom of creating an environment for a positive response when we meet people has changed how I approach my relationships. 

It has helped me break down the false walls about people I have created within myself. When I meet someone new, instead of waiting for the other person to receive me well, I approach them with a genuine curiosity. 

I can see their guards coming down when I openly present myself, whether through a greeting or with a simple smile. I notice the doubtful faces turn into sweet smiles. 

This approach is not only insightful but transformative. Let’s use his wisdom to reflect on how we are approaching relationships in our lives.

Is there an opportunity for better first impressions? Can we create a more positive and open atmosphere for others around us?

Give someone and yourself a fair chance, knowing we each have positive aspects within us and similar struggles. 

Adopt this compassionate attitude to lower barriers, make connections that weren’t otherwise possible, open doors to new possibilities, and invite a wide range of perspectives into our lives.