How Thich Nhat Hanh Changed the Way I See Mistakes to Find Peace

Have you ever made a mistake in your life? It’s impossible not to. That’s what makes us human, right? Yet, whenever someone we are close to or admire makes a mistake, we get upset.

When we read about celebrities who make mistakes, we quickly judge. It’s easy to label them as good vs bad. But Thich Nhat Han’s wisdom changed how I think about our mistakes and others.

Labeling People for Their Mistakes

Remember the Will Smith incident? I was a big fan of his movies until the night of the 2022 Academy Awards. Watching the incident, I couldn’t believe what had just happened. How could the funny guy from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Men in Black slap another actor?

I was upset. I didn’t want anything to do with Will Smith anymore. He had overnight changed from being a funny person to a mean one in my mind.

Reflecting, I knew that his past triggers and lack of control over his emotions led him to behave that way. Yet, I was quick to label him at the moment.

Thich Nhat Hanh’s Perspective

Most recently, I read How to Love by Thich Nhat Hanh. The way he explained mistakes struck a chord with me:

Since we are human beings, we make mistakes. We cause others to suffer. We hurt our loved ones, and we feel regret. But without making mistakes, there is no way to learn. If you can learn from your mistakes, then you have already transformed garbage into flowers. 

Very often, our mistakes come from our unskillfulness, and not because we want to harm one another. I think of our behavior in terms of being more or less skillful rather than in terms of good and bad. If you are skillful, you can avoid making yourself suffer and the other person suffer.

~ Thich Nhat Hanh (How to Love)

I like how Thich Nhat Hanh refers to people as unskillful rather than bad. I have had my fair share of unskillfulness, but I have learned something from my experiences each time. The only thing I can hope for after making a mistake is to use past insights to avoid similar situations in the future.

Being skillful in life is not a course or certification one pursues. Yet, learning to be more skillful helps us live peacefully and have strong professional and personal relationships.

Learning to Be Skillful

It isn’t by accident that some people are more skillful and make better choices than others. They have actively cultivated this in themselves.

In The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama explains that before making any choice, you should ask yourself, ‘Will this bring me happiness?’ He is not talking about instant gratification but long-term happiness.

He explains how positive emotions like love, compassion, and kindness make us happy. Conversely, negative emotions like hate, anger, and jealousy cause suffering.

In Will Smith’s case, his lack of skill and anger caused him and Chris Rock to suffer a lot. Instead of seeing him as bad, I see him as someone learning to navigate life.

Changing Perspective on Mistakes

Thich Nhat Hanh’s view on mistakes has helped me be more at peace with people and situations. Whenever I encounter someone who has been unkind, I see them as someone who has yet to learn skills to navigate certain situations. Instead of labeling them as bad, I am more open to accepting them.

The next time you face a similar situation, you can bring Thich Nhat Hanh’s wisdom to mind and see if it changes your perspective.