What Your Birthday Can Teach You About Taking Control of Happiness

I’ve been spending the last few years learning how to live intentionally. Meditation, journaling, books, and talks have all helped me turn inward and focus on living a meaningful life.

As a full-time writer, I’ve been mindful about scheduling activities that allow me to socialize, be inspired, and avoid the isolation that comes with this work. I’ve been making conscious choices about how I spend my life and who I spend time with.

Despite living more consciously, turning another year older this week made me realize something. I’ve been in a passive mode when it comes to birthdays.

My Birthday Fantasy

As a child, birthdays meant a lot to me. I loved buying little gifts for my friends and making their day special. The Hallmark store was my favorite place growing up. 

I spent time reading messages on birthday cards, admiring little trinkets, soft toys, and other thoughtful items that said, “You are special.”

Each year, as September approached, I would eagerly wait for my birthday, expecting it to be super special. But as life goes, things don’t always go as planned, and I would be disappointed. 

When Expectations Aren’t Met

In college, I remember crying when none of my friends did anything special on my birthday. My day ended with them bringing gifts, flowers, and a cake to cheer me up. Even if it was an afterthought, it still felt nice. It wasn’t their fault; we were all busy with coursework, with barely any time to rest.

Years later, my spouse once bought me a cheesecake for my birthday. I have a thing for cakes, but not cheesecake. I thought he should know better.

We had just come back from a trip, so he barely had time and made a quick choice. Still, looking at that plain cheesecake with its dented top made my heart sink. He explained that he picked this one carefully since I was being health-conscious, because it had the least sugar.

I understood where he came from. But all I could think of in the moment was: How could he pick the least desirable cake despite knowing how much cake meant to me?

I realized that day how much I’d been depending on others to make my day.

Shifting the Pattern

For years, I waited for people to assure me that I was loved on my birthday. I waited for them to take the initiative to make me feel special. I raised my hopes so high that it was impossible to be satisfied.

When we are younger, our parents make sure we have a great time on our birthday by surrounding us with everything we like. As parents, we do the same for our kids.

But somewhere in the mix, we forget to make sure we have a good time ourselves. We wait for others to take care of us.

The wisdom I’ve been learning in other areas of my life made me reflect on my patterns. I realized that when it comes to birthdays, I was still that teenager waiting for the special Hallmark edition.

Something in me shifted, and it felt natural to apply the same philosophy of being in control of my life to my birthday as well. I didn’t need validation anymore. I knew that if I wanted a specific type of day, I needed to orchestrate it to some degree.

Taking Control of My Day

Just like I did for my friends, I now sprinkle little moments of happiness throughout my day. They aren’t fancy, but they’re enough to lift my spirits.

It’s simple things like going for a long run first thing in the morning with uplifting music, planning a lunch or tea with friends I know I’ll have a good time with. 

That way, when people do end up surprising me with flowers or gifts, that’s just the icing on the cake.

Conclusion

Birthdays turned out to be a sensitive area for me. They taught me that even if we are living consciously in some areas, we may still be unconscious in other areas.

They aren’t just celebrations – they are an opportunity to reflect on how intentional we are. They can mirror how we live our day-to-day life.

Do you consciously take part in creating the experience you want, or do you leave it in someone else’s hands? If we are clear on what’s important to us, we can consciously weave it into our special day.

What parts of your life might you still be living unconsciously?