6 Ways to Get People to Like Us and Develop Lasting Friendships

A decades-long Harvard study shows that strong friendships are essential for happiness. But how do we make friends and be interesting? The key is to be interested in them. Join me as I explore Dale Carnegie’s six principles that can make us likable and win friends while transforming us into better people.

6 Ways to Make People Like You

Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People, which has close to a million ratings on GoodReads, shares six principles for making people like us. 

1. Become Genuinely Interested in People

The key to making friends and being welcome anywhere is to be interested in other people rather than getting them interested in us. 

Former president Theodore Roosevelt remembered small details about his staff, like his valet’s favorite bird and the chef’s famous cornbread. He always made it a point to discuss their interests with them. This attention to detail made him one of the favorite presidents among his staff long after his term. 

So, to make friends, we must be ready to do selfless things for other people and invest our time and energy in them. We should be initiating acts of kindness rather than waiting for them.

We can start by getting to know people and their backgrounds in gatherings or lending our time to someone going through a difficult period. No matter how big or small your gesture, being interested in people is how you make them interested in you. 

2. Smiling – A Great Way to Make a First Impression

“You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.” This quote from the book strongly resonates with me. How can people tell we are having a good time with them? A smile is a great way to show that we enjoy someone’s company. 

Dale gave his students homework to smile for at least an hour daily. One of them, a businessman known to be unfriendly, noticed that it changed his life. The more he smiled, the more people smiled back at him. It improved his relationship with his spouse and helped him gain richer relationships. 

Smiling when we see people for the first time can be challenging. A lot of us tend to wear our worries on our faces. Or maybe you didn’t grow up in a culture that smiles at strangers. But smiling wholeheartedly and genuinely is learned and practiced from my own experience.

Instead of waiting to receive a smile while I take my daily walks, I practice smiling first. We can practice smiling at people in our homes, while shopping, and anywhere we encounter people.

3. A Person’s Name Is, to That Person, the Most Important Sound

When was the last time you used someone’s name in a conversation? When we use a person’s name in a conversation, whatever we request or convey takes on a special meaning, says Dale Carnegie. 

Can you remember the names of everyone you met at a party? Napoleon the Third, France’s king, went to great lengths to remember people’s names. He would ask people to repeat and spell their names to ensure he got it.

Most recently, I had to pick up a catering order for a party I was hosting. After I paid, the waitress pushed the trolley to my car and loaded everything. I then made eye contact and said, Thank you so much for your help, Maria. In return, she gave me a wide smile. This gesture made her day and my day for making her smile. 

4. Be a Good Listener & Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves

To be a good conversationist, one must be an attentive listener. Listening to someone with full intent is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone, says Dale.

Unfortunately, most people are more eager to talk about themselves. But to make friends, we must practice listening more and encourage them to talk about themselves. 

The author shares that whenever people called him a great conversationist, it was when he did the bare minimum of talking. 

At a recent event, an acquaintance kept asking me questions to learn about me. I left the party thinking she was such a good listener. All she had to do was show genuine interest in me for me to like her.

5. Talk in Terms of Other People’s Interests

How often do we get bored when people talk about things that don’t interest us? But to interest another person, we need to talk about what interests them, not vice versa. ‘The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about things they treasure most,’ Says Dale. 

Theodore Roosevelt stayed up late studying the interests of his guests who visited him the next day. He is known to have great conversations with everyone, from his staff to the politicians. No wonder he was one of their favorites. 

People’s work environments or homes always reflect their interests, whether art, books, or plants. Use these as cues to start a conversation about their interests. 

6. Make the Person Feel Important

To make people like you, show them sincere appreciation and make them feel important. When we appreciate people, it makes them feel good about themselves, and it, in turn, positively affects us, per Dale.

My mom takes great pride in her roof garden and often shares pictures of her labor. Even though I don’t share her interests, I appreciate and admire her passion. Whenever I come across a beautiful garden, I share it with her, knowing how much it means to her.

Everyone has something that we can appreciate. We can begin by sincerely complimenting a stranger, thanking a co-worker for their efforts, or admiring the neighbor’s beautiful garden.

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

– William James

Beyond Likeability

The six principles of getting others to like you have a deeper meaning. They are less about the quest and more about who we become on the path. 

By applying these principles, we become kinder and more thoughtful. We learn to listen more and make others feel important, appreciated, and ultimately happy. 

Learning how to make people like us is about genuinely learning more about them and liking them for who they are. The next time you think of making someone like you, take steps to get to know them better to have a lasting and happier relationship.