6 Thoughtful Observations On Visiting Your Home Country – An Outsider Perspective

Every so often I feel like writing a self-reflective article. It feeds my soul. I happen to be one of those people who have more than one country they call home. I spent half of my life in India and the other in the US. 

Each visit, I can’t help but notice the stark differences in the way of life. The longer you stay abroad, the more your perspective changes. You start looking at things from an outsider’s perspective. 

In this post, I hope to share some of my observations. You may be able to relate if you have more than one country you call home. 

1. Adapting To Change In Environment

We take a lot of things for granted when surrounded by like-minded people. They may even have a similar academic background/income bracket. 

As a result, you start doing similar things and teach the same things to your children. You get consumed in the culture of return gifts and thank you cards. 

The minute I land in India, I sense an immediate need to transform. Not because I want to but out of necessity. You come across people of various backgrounds. You may be standing in line waiting your turn. The next thing you know folks are cutting line, going straight to the counter. 

When outside, you may find people selling you something. Not in a subtle way but follow you around until you get frustrated.

I feel an immediate need to develop an exterior that can deal with the surroundings. An exterior that can help me deal with the people. Speak in a manner that they can understand. More stern and awkward than usual. 

2. Difference In Social Classes

When you leave for a long time, the things you have been immune to as a child seem strange. You start noticing things for the first time. These are things you would be oblivious to if you were a local. 

India has a huge economic divide among the haves and the have-nots. The service industry makes way less than their employers compared to the US. It’s changed quite a bit from when I was a child but there is a long way to go.

Most middle-class people who live in India depend on maids for daily chores. The wealthier you are, the more people you employ. 

There is a person for each task. One to clean the house, to do dishes, to wash clothes, to iron the clothes, etc. Each specializes in their task and makes their living through their work. 

It feels strange to see all these people come and go from your house on a given day. I feel guilty taking the help of so many people for survival. It feels wrong to ask for things you can do yourself. For the folks who live there though, that’s just the way of life.

I find myself advocating for their fair treatment, time off, etc. Something I probably wouldn’t have noticed if I lived in India.

3. Women’s Place In Society

I find the perception of women in India harder to comprehend. There is a big difference between urban and rural areas. In the older generations, there is a general acceptance around women having lower social status.

One minute I am writing blogs about how to break barriers. Next, I am in a place where men are regarded much higher in society. This is the case everywhere but is more evident in some places. 

My 11-year-old caught a glimpse of a regional South-Indian movie playing on TV. He asked why the female lead was standing there like she doesn’t have a mind of her own. 

There is a fair share of movies with female lead roles but far less in comparison. You don’t see strong women portrayed in a way that influences a child’s mindset. There isn’t a local version of Moana, Elsa, or Mirabel from Encanto.

This isn’t to say that there aren’t successful women in India. You see women politicians, journalists, authors, and so on. It wouldn’t have been a cakewalk for any of them to make it in the world.

I happened to meet a local farmer who my family knew. Not long after we met, he wanted to know what my husband did for a living. It didn’t matter to him if I had a job or not. It wouldn’t have mattered even if I was a CEO. To him, the man is the breadwinner. It would take years to consider that women may be equal or more.

4. Pleasing The Family

When you live outside for two decades, you seem strange even to your family. I had to explain why my jeans are torn to my mother!

She said the ones with money buy clothes that are torn. The ones who don’t do their best to cover up their torn clothes. That’s some food for thought! 

I don’t have to worry about pleasing anyone where I live. When I visit India, I get sucked into the people-pleasing culture. I found myself buying an outfit that would make my mother happy. Something I wouldn’t wear that often when I leave. 

5. Dealing With Excessive Attention

India is big on hospitality. People try to cater to your every need when you visit a store. Especially if they think you might buy something. 

When I moved to the US, I didn’t understand why folks at retail stores didn’t pay enough attention. Did they not want my business? It seemed borderline unfriendly. Now that I visit India, I find that I can’t handle the excessive attention. 

I happened to walk into a park with my arms crossed as it was chilly. A man walking by had an urge to tell me I shouldn’t cross my arms while walking. Moving arms promotes blood circulation. 

I wasn’t looking for fitness advice from a stranger. I didn’t need to tell him he was talking to a fitness enthusiast. Unwanted attention despite good intent makes you uneasy.

6. Pros And Cons To Each Country

There are pros and cons to living in each country. I wouldn’t have to plan my weekends if I lived in India. There would be a constant flow of people in and out of my home. Loneliness would not be an issue. 

Everyone chooses something when they move. I chose independence. Not having to fight every single day to prove my worth in society. I chose to be able to focus on my child without any distractions. 

I don’t need to worry about pleasing anyone or think about how I dress. These meant more to me than all the conveniences that come with living near loved ones. 

I have friends that live in India who aren’t as bothered by these things. Every person is unique. What matters to one is irrelevant to others. 

Do you feel a shift in perspective when you visit what was once your home? Please share your thoughts.